Tuesday, February 06, 2007
I think I've come to terms with my father's mental illness. It's the rest of him that has me baffled.
Don't get me wrong, my father is a good guy. He's kind and generous, funny, warm, and extroverted. Yet I feel like he wasted his life. He spends his days doing whatever he wants - trolling the streets of San Francisco, going swimming, playing kazoo with his band. His wife - with her stable job and stable Catholicism - supports him. While he was here he told all kinds of stories, the adventures and near-misses of his crazy life. Yet all I could think was; you skipped out on fatherhood. You were never, ever responsible.
At one point I told Yaakov, "My father is a clown. His whole life, he's been a clown!" This revelation startled me. Yaakov replied, "He's an overgrown child with a drug-addled brain."
I love my father, but I'm not sure if I accept him.
Love, Maven @ 
2 Comments:
At 7:57 PM,
Anonymous said…
That is okay. I am proud of you. Honestly, if you can separate the man from the behavior and say, I love him but I just don't understand him, than you are light years ahead of most people.
At 9:48 AM,
Maven said…
that's really nice of you to say. but i wish i could accept him without criticism.
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