Friday, January 19, 2007
You know, I've come to the conclusion that Rivky is just not a morning person. I've also concluded that I should integrate the "spirited child" parenting model with Love and Logic.
To explain: "Raising your Spirited Child" espouses accepting your child's shortcomings and working with them. Don't force your child to adapt, work with her and meet her on her terms. This is true, to an extent. One example in the book entailed a child in a dressing room for hours, because she had a hard time making decisions (this was allowed by the parent). Sorry, that doesn't work for me - there's a fine line between empowering and spoiling. Love and Logic encourages setting a workable standard. If the child falls short, ok, so they learn a lesson. Let them make mistakes in a loving way, don't coddle them to death.
But back to Rivky. I woke her this morning and cheerfully said "modeh ani" with her. She screamed. She kvetched. I smiled at her. I loved her. I encouraged her to get dressed. I laid out 2 outfits to choose from. She wanted to get her picture she made for her teacher. I conceded. "You can get the picture, but then we get dressed." I went about my business. Next time I see her, she's coloring. I told her it was time to get dressed, and I took her by the hand.
We got to her room, and she proceeds to tell me this whole megilla. I tried to help my spirited child get dressed, but she wasn't interested. At that point, I was done. At 10 minutes before carpool, I gave her a heads-up. She freaked out. She screamed. "Nobody loves me in this house! Nobody's helping me get dressed!" I calmly told her how I tried to help before, but she wasn't ready. Now I was too busy. She continued carrying on. I hugged her.
When the car honked she got hysterical. I was kind. I hugged more. I made comforting sounds. She wailed about all her projects from the week, which all come home on Fridays. She cried about not getting her parsha sheet. I ached for her. I continued comforting.
So we're home together today. I'm not thrilled. It's erev shabbos, but oh well. I hope she learns.