Wednesday, February 07, 2007
I want to learn to love without criticism. For example: My previous post. While I did comment on my father's greatness, a lot of energy was spent commenting on what I don't like/approve of.
Now Yaakov, for example, knows me better than anyone. Believe me, he knows my dark and ugly self - unfortunately, all too well. But he doesn't dwell on it, choosing to celebrate what he loves instead. And truthfully? He loves the dark side too (insert Darth Vader breathing here).
You can't love others until you love yourself - so true! I know I don't love myself. Every day I beat myself for mistakes I've made in my past. Every. Single. Day. All I see is my darkness - and that's what I see in others too. I need to stop being so damned critical.
My dad told me a funny story. He went to a psychiatric appointment wearing pants and a sport coat, but no shirt. So his doctor said (not unkindly), "Howard, you are really over the top today!" Dad replied, "You know what? When you get to be my age, who cares!"
You might say this story proves that my father needs psychiatric care. On the other hand, it shows that he simply loves and accepts himself for whoever he is. I aspire to that.
With a shirt on, of course.