Sunday, December 17, 2006
I had a friend whom I had to let go of. She would tell me, quite bluntly, the most vicious gossip. One truthful piece is devastating. The information causes me so much anxiety, I've considered talking to a therapist.
This trait of hers - the lashon hara - is a wart on the nose of a princess. She's truly enchanting. She's beautiful, kind, and a wonderful mother. She's smart, interesting, and a fabulous cook. She's always doing chesed for people, including my own family.
I truly think there's something mentally awry. Like people with Tourette's. I can't understand how such an otherwise beautiful person could spew such filth. I have gently tried to tell her that what she says is inappropriate, but she plows right on ahead anyway.
She and I had a special relationship. In many ways, she's like an older sister. Our backgrounds are remarkably similar. We also have unusual interests in common, and would exchange long emails about them.
There are many times when I've wanted to reach out. I read scholarly essays on a mutual passion - it kills me that I can't mail them to her. Tomorrow I'll attempt making burmuelos for the first time, she would love to know that! But I won't go there. I can't ever open my heart to her again.
It makes me very sad.