Monday, December 11, 2006
I am filled with doubt. It's very hard for me to make choices.
For example: I got rid of my cleaning lady on Mondays and Wednesdays. She is SO slow. She takes about 45 minutes to clean my kids' bathroom. What was she doing in there? I cleaned it in 6, and did a decent job, too. I didn't get to mop yet, but I will. Nonetheless, I ask myself if I made the right choice.
Every decision I make is plagued with doubt. Shopping takes a very long time for me, whether for clothes or groceries. I'll stand in front of a pasta display trying to figure out what noodles work best for us. I'll ponder the price/quality between regular vs. generic dish soap.
I often wonder if I am doing the right things for my kids. Sometimes I'll take action and then immediately ask Yaakov, "Did I do the right thing?" I don't feel confident that the choices I make are okay.
This doubt permeates to the very core of my life. I wonder about vital choices I've made. Other people might say "It's done already, let it go." But not me. I ruminate.
I hate this about myself.