12 Comments:

• At 10:08 PM,  therapydoc said…

  What a shame to miss the comments on that post in particular. I'm dying to know how many of your readers think like I do, that by avoiding "outsiders" our children learn fear, and the "outsiders" learn nothing about us and have more reason to be suspicious of us.
  
  Yoda said, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. (The Phantom Menace, 1999)
  
  You gotta' love Star Wars. May the Force be with You, A.M.

   

• At 8:28 AM,  torontopearl said…

  I also thought it was deliberate that a comments section wasn't applied to that post. I thought you were just stating your feelings and didn't care to hear what others have to say.
  Getting too close could be an issue, but it is also a means to a better understanding. We don't live in an insular society, even though some facets of society try to remain that way. Especially if you came from a less observant background, you would understand the differences and try to confirm an understanding of those differences with your children...but to just "keep them away" might cause greater distortion for them and the other child.
  I like what therapydoc had to say.

   

• At 11:23 AM,  Stephanie said…

  Well..I have to respect the way Maven wishes to raise her children, even though i vehemently oppose that way of thinking. I don't judge her as I am sure she would not judge me and my way of raising my children. I believe that knowledge will always be power. To make something seem forbidden will or might make her children seek it out simply from curiosity. But, as I said..to each his and her own:)

   

• At 1:00 PM,  Anonymous said…

  I agree with Therapy Doc, however...
  
  Whereas I belive five and seven are "sponge-like" ages, I think kids should be a little bit more established in their self-identity before they are exposed to other ways of life.
  
  AM lives in FL. I know other people don't really understand this unless they live in a TOTALLY non-Jewish area, but to be Jewish takes work outside of a specifically Jewish neighborhood.
  That is, in my opinion, there are so many "cultural" Jews from highly Jewish populations. You don't really meet so many "cultural" Jews from non-Jewish areas as much...I am from IOWA, and it was work to be Jewish, or assimilate. I was one of 6 Jewish kids in my entire Elem. School. (The others being my cousins and the rabbi's kids.)
  
  Conscience decisions from my parents kept me from going to non-Kosher homes (most in my town).
  
  By the time I was in middle school, I knew who I was, and could understand why I couldn't eat pancakes at Leslie's on Passover, even if it wasn't bread in her mom's eyes. At age five, I wouldn't of had that knowledge.

   

• At 2:22 PM,  Anonymous said…

  therapydoc - point - score
  Just as a generalization, when you purposefuly deprive somebody of something, especially children, it makes them want it.
  I can't comprehend why you don't explain to your children about the difference that exist in the world. That doesn't take away from who you are, what you are, and what you believe in.
  The entire world Maven. That's what exists.
  Anyway, it was brave of you to share that.
  I can't see how it is idol worship - isn't your being so fascinated by rolayty the same type of idol worship?

   

• At 3:48 PM,  Maven said…

  therapydoc - maybe i should be reading your blog and not the other way around?
  
  pearl - chaya understands that people have different beliefs. i just don't want them hearing particulars. i DO worry about distortion and mentioned that in the original post (worrying that my kids will think goyim are bad).
  
  stephanie - i think you are being generous!
  
  RL - i agree with your point. my children are young and need to be established in their frumkeit before exposed to other belief systems in the world.
  
  anon - i see your point too, especially regarding my spirited, inquisitive chaya. if i deprive her, she may want it more. it's a fine line, and i certainly need help walking it.
  
  regarding worshipping J and my interest in royalty, i think it's pretty obvious what the difference is. i don't deify royals. although, if i could worship HRH princess mary of denmark, i might. we need more mary-worship in the world.

   

• At 10:03 PM,  Stephanie said…

  I was also thinking something while reading this. Wouldn't it be something if your daughter could share with this lil christian girl some of her ways? Imagine..just imagine what this little girl could learn! When i was a little girl going into a church was something NEVER DONE! So..what did I do? I not only went into a catholic church, but went behind the curtain to the confessional! I was curious and I was very very young.

   

• At 11:09 PM,  Anonymous said…

  We live in a non-Jewish neighborhood, even though it is in Brooklyn, and while my kids go to Jewish day school they are close with non-Jewish children on the block -- white, black, Christian, "nothing," etc...
  
  I have kids the same ages as Maven's....and I have to say, I was shocked to read the 'Jennifer' post. Unless you live in Meah Shearim we are confronted with the reality of being a minority surrounded by Xmas and Easter and everything else, and our children are aware of it whether we brush off the "Jennifers' of the world or we embrace them...I have found that explaining Xmas decorations and Easter (in a simplified way) to my children, when they ask as they invariably do, being the inquisitive souls they are, helps me as much as it helps them. Explaining Xtianity to a Jewish child of even 5 is not difficult and, if you have confidence in your ability to raise educated and proud Jews, I don't think it should be threatening, either.
  
  Maven, would you want kids rejecting your children because they are 'not Xtian?" Of course not....even the youngest children have the capacity to understand that 'I am Jewish' and "she is Christian' and there are things I do that are different than the things she does. My middle daughter brought matzah over to her non-Jewish girlfriend's house and loved sharing her tradition with her friend -- it made her feel proud and confident!
  
  We delight in inviting our non-jewish neighbors into our wonderfully decorated sukkah, and having the little playmates help make paper decorations. We loved inviting many of our neighbors to our oldest child's bar mitzvah....it is such an important part of our life, being Jewish, and they all expressed appreciation for having been included. By the same token I have no problem letting my girls go to their little friend's house to see her Xmas tree.....they know it is hers, not theirs, and they have so much that they are proud of.
  
  Be the person and the parent you really want to be, Maven....from your own post I sensed some shame about your own attitudes. Be confident enough in your parenting abilities and in your child's intelligence to be able to welcome Jennifer into your lives....who knows -- she may even have something that you can consider positive to offer your chld! Sheltering your child by pushing Jennifer away isn't going to make your child feel anything but embarrassed and confused....after all, why should she feel afraid of the outside world?
  
  You're bigger than this, Maven...I really believe that.

   

• At 5:36 PM,  anonym00kie said…

  is there a source of saying that hearing about easter is "tantamount" to idol worship?
  i think there is a difference between hearing about it and participating in it - i can understand not wanting your kids to go paint eggs with her, but to hear about it and then discuss it openly with you where you would get a chance to teach them your view on it sounds more conducive to keeping your kids on your path.
  i think as a kid you beleive it all, until you learn it's not true.. to open up a discusson and teach them something is wrong seems a lot more productive then to let them secretly beleive there might be something to it (and i dont just mean easter..) or that youre afraid to discuss it.
  kids arent stupid they realize when soemthing is "bad".. and that just makes it more interesting and real..

   

• At 8:29 AM,  Dinosaur Mom said…

  But how am I supposed to inculcate respect and love for all things Jewish in my dinos if they can't play with your kids? Me being a wannabe jewess isn't going to get the job done. Glossing over the differences between Christians, Muslims, and Jews by saying we're all people of the Book is ultimately inadequate, and it's important to stake out "what we believe" for kids from an early age. But I still remember being told that the girl I thought was my best friend in sixth grade wasn't coming to my party because her mom didn't want her hanging out with white kids, and that sucked. Tough call. I'll still be your imaginary friend, though.

   

• At 12:20 AM,  Tamara said…

  I'll try to be brief and share about my own experiences.
  
  I was raised reform. I had all sorts of friends. I did have one friend my parents didn't like. I was forbidden to be friends with her. What do you think I did? I remembered it the rest of my life and it angered me.
  
  I also was raised where there were no orthodox Jews immediately nearby; however, when I'd go into the city (L.A.) I'd see black hats, and this was something that was different for me. I didn't know ANYTHING about orthodoxy. I'd say hi when I walked by because I thought, "Oh, cool, 'real' Jews". And I was shocked and disappointed that not once did anyone respond to me or even make eye contact. Men mostly. My point? I didn't understand why they were so, seemingly, unfriendly. I didn't understand them, seemingly, isolating themselves. I wish just ONE of them, back when I was in high school and experiencing this, would have shared, been open, been welcoming. But nothing.
  
  I'm afraid I see you creating this same thing in your home. We are supposed to be "A light unto the nations". When we isolate ourselves. When we don't go out into the world with purpose and share our thoughts, be open to others, then we risk creating an "us" vs. "them". And I'm pretty sure nobody will argue that within Judaism that is already a huge problem. It has to stop somewhere.
  
  Let your daughter have a friend. It's a beautiful thing. Being tolerant of those who are different is beautiful and creates better people and a better world. Tikkun Olam right? Where and when does the healing begin?
  
  As a teacher, as a Jew, as someone who has friendships that truly do cross into all Jewish denominations and then some...I say let the healing begin at home with your children.

   

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