Thursday, September 08, 2005
I've been friends with a certain Jewess for about 6 years. We were friends when we both lived in Brooklyn, and we've remained friends through our mutual moves "out of town." After awhile, though, our friendship started to flounder. We were still connected in a very deep way, but we spoke less and less. Our undiscussed wounds put a gulf between us. Finally, we confronted each other about it. She discovered that I wasn't trying to in-validate her, I just have a certain way of viewing things. I discovered she wasn't trying to belittle me, She just has a certain speaking style. We both understood that we needed to shift a little to make room for the other's needs. Once we addressed our issues, a deeper level of intimacy was created for us. We now speak almost every day.
One time I was trying to help out a homeless person, and I gave her some "basic needs" type stuff - toothbrush and toothpaste included. She smiled at me with her toothless gums, and we both got a good laugh. There was a lesson there: I needed to "tune in" to her a little more to help her in the best possible way.
Sometimes it takes some creative dancing to love somebody; a spouse, a child, a friend, a stranger. Ourselves.