Wednesday, July 26, 2006
I think I've written about this before. The wife allows her husband to be a man. To be her hero. Forget feminism. Forget egalitarianism. We're talking "Me Tarzan, You Jane." Well, Sort of.
Books like "The Surrendered Wife" and "Fascinating Womanhood" extol the virtues of gender roles in marriage, and the woman's role is definitely a feminine one. Don't boss your husband around. DO look pretty. Let him take control, make decisions. There's a Breslov publication in this vein, called "To Love and Cherish." It has advice to both husbands and wives. ("Don't be alarmed when your wife shrieks and yells. Remember, the sages taught it's a woman's nature to scream. So don't take your wife's hysterics personally.")
I remember, as a bride, taking classes. I was advised to look nice when my husband came home. Put on a little lipstick, a clean housecoat. Get off the phone before he walks in the door. SMILE! Have a nice supper waiting for my man, who worked hard all day.
Many times women steamroll men, and society has encouraged us to do so. I have been guilty of this many times myself. Like a couple of months ago, Yaakov wanted to change our Cingular plan. I wanted to change services completely. We bickered. He capitulated. We're still with the same expensive phone plan, and I won a hollow victory. I should've let him handle the whole thing in the first place!
I'm tired of micromanaging Yaakov. I'm tired of thinking I have to be in control. He's a capable man - I can let him be the captain of our ship. I can be first mate (ha ha).
P.S. Yaakov read this and said, "You can be first mate on my ship if you wear the outfit Princess Leia wore on Jabba the Hutt's ship."