Thursday, February 15, 2007
We checked it out of the library. I sat on the couch reading it with Chaya, bawling my eyes out.
I remembered the first time I heard it: A friend called, read it to me - we wept together. We haven't spoken for about a year and a half. Though I miss her and think of her often, it's emotionally better for both of us that we let go.
I had another friend - we went to Oregon together. California. We went camping. We made up a niggun to the Ba'al Shem Tov's aphorism, "mayim siman brocha" (water - sign of blessing). She got married, moved to Israel, and we lost touch. I valiantly emailed her. She moved back to the states, I tracked her down. I left a joyful message on her answering machine. Nothing.
I have a current friend, and our relationship has changed. We used to be closer, but "things happened." I don't think we can recover what we once had, but I'm growing comfortable in our new parameters. And that's okay.
I have friends here, some of them precious. I have my Canadian soul-sister. I have some old buddies in Crown Heights. My "friend-needs" are met. Nonetheless, I look back on friends I had, and I feel wistful.
To them I say; Love You Forever.