Tuesday, February 13, 2007
After I had Zalman I lost about 25 pounds, doing Weight Watchers on my own. Then I started going back to meetings. All told, I lost about 32 pounds. Now I am in my weight range, and I even reached my personal goal a few weeks ago. But overeating has been dogging me week after week, despite my progress. Last week I gained 5 pounds. I over-ate Every. Single. Night.
A feeling comes over me when I over-eat. Like I get seized by a dybbuk and lose touch with reality. The food doesn't even taste good to me anymore. I can consume hundreds of extra calories, and still my stomach feels like a bottomless pit. It's insane. And then the following day all the feelings come: the exhaustion, the guilt, the despair. Sometimes I think, "why should I bother counting points today? I'm bound to fail."
When I overeat, I feel like I don't deserve to enjoy food. Like that gift certificate my mom gave Yaakov and I for the fancy schmancy restaurant. I don't even want to go - steak is for a girl who behaves herself all week.
I don't know why I'm having such a problem. I've always had a penchant towards overeating, though not to the degree I have now. I've used weight watchers for 5 years to successfully lose and manage my weight. But lately, I'm starting to think I need more help (an OA meeting...?).
It's really getting out of control.