Wednesday, September 19, 2007
I was on the phone with my father yesterday. Apparently, there was a time when my cousin was briefly courted by a non-Jewish man. This was like, 30 years ago. Anyway, my uncle (her father) told her, "It's him or me." She chose her father.
He told me another story about a Jewish guy he knows, in his 80's. This guy married an Irish Catholic girl, and his entire family cut him off. He was married to her for many years, and raised a family with her. Yet he never got over losing his parents and siblings.
I asked my father, "Why did he take up with this girl in the first place?" "Well, he loved her," - as if that solved everything.
I don't buy that crap. You don't just love somebody. You don't get involved with whomever you please, no matter how attracted to them you are. She should have been an automatic NO.
You know, Yaakov and I are ba'alei teshuva. We remember (fondly!) what a bacon double cheeseburger tastes like. Are we going to Burger King? No.
Very nice, you say. But a comparing love to a burger?
The bottom line is the same: Some things you just can't have.
Love, Maven @ 
8 Comments:
At 1:51 PM,
lxr23g56 said…
You wrote
"I don't buy that crap. You don't just love somebody. You don't get involved with whomever you please, no matter how attracted to them you are. She should have been an automatic NO."
Maybe for you but apparently not for him. he seems to have made a choice, one with heavy cost's. he lived with those costs and even though they hurt him, who's to say that for him it wasn't worth it.
You wrote
Some things you just can't have.
agreed but who are you (or me) to decided for other autonomous adults. consult, dialog with and inform them of potential consequences, but never imo at expense of their free choice.
but hey thats just me!
At 3:11 PM,
Stephanie said…
tsk tsk tsk..I have to say your comment was insulting BIG TIME insulting.
At 3:24 PM,
Anonymous said…
I have met people who had expectations of their children, especially regarding religion, but did not raise them with an appreciation of the meaning of that choice. When the time came to make the choice, and the child chose differently than the parent would have wanted, the parent was furious and walked away from the relationship, when they contributed to the very choice that frustrated them. You can not raise children with a rule about whom they will marry without giving them an appreciation for the meaning of that choice, as well as a lifestyle that envelops that choice (ie. one can not raise children essentially as non-Jews with the exception of essentially one incomprehensible rule, and then expect them to value their Judaism). there is no "automatic" button.
I can completely see why someone would make that type of choice in today's world, if his upbringing was not strong enough (or if he felt anger about his upbringing), in a world where feeding one's immediate desires is not only encouraged but deified. The message of every love song out there, every romantic movie, every billboard...that is the clear message about the meaning of life and love, unless a person experiences life more meaningfully, through parental/peer guidance and modeling.
At 8:47 AM,
Mrs Andy said…
But who looses out the most? The people who deciced to cut off all ties or the one who is making what is percieved to be a bad choice? The ones who cut ties, instead of trying to show love, and openness for if and when the person might come back--they cut them off?
In the LDS faith we are highly encouraged to marry with in the faith, but we don't cut off those that marry a non-Mormon. Why do Jews do this?
To cut someone off like that shows a very hard heart. That's really sad, really, really sad.
At 10:41 AM,
Anonymous said…
East:
Please please realized that the following comment is with the utmost respect.
During our parents time, and our grandparents time, Hitler made an active campaign. It wasn't just that he killed Jews, because he killed many people: I would never want to diminish that.
But the truth is, not everyone he aimed to kill was Jewish, but he aimed to kill every Jew.
With interfaith marriage, the celebration and faith of our religion is being diminished. The Jews that saw that the hell of the Holocaust (and the children of the people who survived) sometimes see the idea of people CHOOSING to leave the religion that is so fragile...and it is very painful.
THat is my take.
At 12:26 PM,
The Atomic Mom said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
At 12:27 PM,
Mrs Andy said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
At 12:29 PM,
Mrs Andy said…
I'm not saying that inter-faith marriage is a good thing. I think it's a bad thing acutally. I realize that marriage is an important commandment from G-d, and that having children and raising them with the same values comeing from both parents is very important. In this world that we live in, a child needs a little confusion as possible.
However, why cut off the person who chooses to make an inter-fatih marriage? Why not keep that child in the good graces of the family, so that perhaps the children of this union, or perhaps the couple themselves can be influenced for good, or at least for the better? Does the parent who cuts off their child think they are punishing the child? In reality, I see it as that parent punishing him/herself by choosing to remove themselves from the lives of the child who is making a bad choice.
Wouldn't it be better to nurture and love that couple and their family, rather than cast them off forever? We all make mistakes, imagine if G-d cast us off every time we make a mistake, we'd all be lost sheep, so to speak.
As for choosing to leave the faith, do Jewish folks equate interfaith marriage as leaving the faith totally? What if say a Lubavitch person chose to marry a reform or conservative Jewish person? Is that considered leaving the faith? What if a Jewish person just decided, "this is not for me, I don't want to live this way?" What then, does the family cast them off too?
Is their any room for forgiveness? I'm not asking to be rude, I really want to know.
PS..sorry about the multiple delets etc....I forgot which blogger name I was signed in under, and it took me a minute to get my comments right..my bad!
Post a Comment
<< Home