Sunday, September 02, 2007
(The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.)
So my dad is bi-polar, right? Well he's been crazy manic lately.
This morning, for example: he called at 8:30am (5:30am his time). It was a non-stop stream-of-consciousness monologue. He went on and on over the practical joke he played on his buddy yesterday (he called him up posing as a Citibank employee, giving him a trumped up story about his credit card). Yep, that's funny, Dad. Then he decides he's going to play his oldies rock-n-roll CD for me realllllly loud. "DAD, isn't it 5:30am by you?" "Oh yeah. My wife's gonna kill me. She's sleeping in the other room. Hey, you know your father's a meshuggener. We're cut from the same cloth! You've got a crazy streak in you, too."
That's technically correct: He's bi-polar and I have an anxiety disorder. But only one of us is crazy, and it's NOT ME.
I'm going to New York next weekend. I usually go erev rosh hashana - to celebrate my birthday, see friends, visit my Rebbe's kever. I decided I was going to visit my aunt and uncle in Jersey on Sunday. That's my dad's sister and brother-in-law. I made arrangements with my aunt about a month ago. Well, when my father found out, he decided he's going to meet me in New York.
Uh oh.
I've been having mixed feelings about this since he informed me. My dad is hard to manage even when he's on an even keel. He's like an 11 year old in a 64 year old body. I can just imagine meeting him at JFK.
Then there's the fact that this is MY vacation! When I go to Crown Heights, I like to run around, visit my friends, etc. I don't like having to be responsible for another person. So there's mild frustration over that. But then I thought, I can't afford this trip anyway. Maybe he'll pay for cabs and train fare. That makes me feel guilty.
Another aspect is the fact that he's manic right now. Will he be like this in Crown Heights? Will I have to introduce my crazy father to all of Kingston Avenue? Will he regale our shabbos hosts with his practical joke stories?
And there's more - sometimes after a manic swing he'll get very depressed. What if he bails out on the trip? He's done that before.
After we got off the phone today I thought, "Maybe I should tell him he needs to see his psychiatrist." I don't know if that's an appropriate thing to say. I also don't think my intentions are pure. Is it fair to tell him to see his doctor just so I can feel comfortable around him?
I just want him to be normal when I meet up with him in New York. I feel like I can't deal with him otherwise. I'm selfish. I admit it.
Love, Maven @ 
7 Comments:
At 4:27 PM,
Dinosaur Mom said…
Maven, you'd be completely within the bounds of decency to ask him about seeing his shrink. I don't know if setting boundaries is a "pure" motivation, but it doesn't strike me as impure.
At 12:07 AM,
Anonymous said…
the balance between honoring one's parents and being true to yourself is a delicate balance. I am feeling your frustration with you, and I wish you clarity in handling the situation. Know that Hashem is with you in this moment; perhaps an outside opinion/guidance can help you see more clearly what your responsibility is. (does this sound too vague to follow?)
My thoughts are with you - the emes is inside of you.
At 10:19 AM,
Mrs Andy said…
I think it's alright for you to ask your dad to go into his dr before he comes, if he comes to NYC. You said it, this is your time, you should not have to feel like babysitting on your trip. You could always just tell him to not come too.
At 12:46 PM,
Ayelet Survivor said…
Tell him that you love him and want to see him but you're concerned about his current behavior -- and ask when was the last time he saw his psychiatrist and what the psychiatrist said.
At 7:07 PM,
Anonymous said…
Being the child of a mentally ill father, I am agreeing with Dinosaur Mom: you are definitely within the bounds of decency to ask him about his shrink. Sometimes, when you are in the situation of the child, you end up being the parent...treat him with kvod, of course, but also know that since he can't necessarily help himself, you can help him too...Good luck!
At 12:47 PM,
Scraps said…
That's a really tough situation to deal with. Hatzlacha rabba.
At 11:02 AM,
Anonymous said…
Mave - He is what he is, you are what you are. All the pieces make a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts, and a fascinating world full of diferences and learning experiences.
I'm NOT going up North for the Holidays so I DON"T have to deal with the crazee family. That's my choice. In the future, I'll be back there dealing with them, but now is my time for healing.
Take the opportunity to try to heal some of the wounds that are there while your father is still alive. I just figured out the other day, I'm 56, that my father didn't sit there with an outline of things to do to screw up his daughter until she was 55. He was what he was. I'm just trying to help you lessen the anxiety, cause I have a lot of that also.
I'm not a Dead Head - I'm a Springsteen Fan "We're all riders on this train" - ain't it the truth !!!!
Love ya love your writing.
Gut Yunteff Maven.
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