Thursday, September 15, 2005
As the day wore on I got crankier and crankier. I have been up late every night this week. One of my best friends is in crisis, and I have been glued to the phone. I feel helpless and drained, and terribly frustrated because I can't do a damn thing (except love her and pray for her, which I do). Then there's a community women's project which I'm a part of, and that dynamic is shifting every day. So I'm constantly on the phone with different women about that, too! Being on the phone (and dealing with everything) has basically sucked me dry.
By 5 pm today, I was done. I had no patience for my beautiful children, and I was snapping at them for silly things. Like Chaya threw mud on the back of the house. Not a big deal, but it was for me at that moment. So I yelled. I called Yaakov and said, "Please come home and rescue me, I'm so tired and cranky." Then I called him 20 minutes later to find out what street he was on. Finally (insert heavenly choir music here), he came home.
He waltzed into the backyard with a big smile on his face and started playing with the kids. He tossed Srulik into the air, he rolled on the grass with Chaya and Rivky. His laughter floated gloriously through the back yard, as if to mock my sour disposition. I started to cry.
I cried at the beauty of this little domestic scene. I cried because I was being a witchy mommy and couldn't be as nice as he was. I cried because my crisis-friend couldn't have this special moment. I cried because I was waaaaay overtired.
Shabbos, here I come.