Wednesday, February 01, 2006
State of the Maven address:

Last night the president was on TV, giving his report of how things are in the good ol' U.S. of A. We watched via the internet.

Yaakov was all ready to heckle his favorite guy in Washington - President Chimpy. I don't really have an opinion one way or the other, but he seems like a G-d fearing fellow. Plus, his wife just oozes class. I love Laura Bush. She always looks great and she knows her place (unlike Hillary).

So he's standing behind the lattice doors, waiting to come out, and I'm looking at all the fancy schmancy people there. You could feel the excited energy in the room, like the Dead was about to come on. I even had the opener all picked out, "The Music Never Stopped." I heard the first riffs of the song when the guy was announcing "The President of the United States of America!" While George was pressing the flesh and smiling and waving, I heard the Grateful Dead and imagined all those suits bopping up and down. And let me tell you, they sure know how to clap.

So straight away George mentions Coretta Scott King, which I thought was very clever. Let him appeal to black voters. People would sit or stand and clap clap clap like maniacs. I wondered if they felt like I do in shul, wondering whether to stand (and if they could get away with sitting). I also wondered whether George, when rehearsing his speech, was thinking, "They're gonna clap like crazy after I say this!" Usually it was just the republican side that was clapping and standing, which I thought was funny. One or two Democrats would stand up on certain issues, which I thought was brave (and telling).

Bush said that 4.2 million jobs were created in the U.S. last year, which prompted Yaakov to yell, "Yeah, but they're all at Wal-Mart for minimum wage!" He also mentioned the brave soldier who was killed last month in Iraq, Sargeant Clay. The camera panned to Clay's parents and widow, and people were thundering and clapping away. George actually winked at them! The widow was very aidel, and the father had a scraggly beard - a nice contrast to all the clean-shaven faces. When Bush mentioned the surveillance act, you could see Hillary shaking her head. Nope, she doesn't like the idea of wire tapping. Too much like Linda Tripp.

One highlight of the evening was when the president mentioned his social security bill getting voted down. All the democrats stood up and clapped, secretly high-fiving each other - their shining moment. Another good one was George mentioning how two of his father's favorite people were approaching 60 - him and President Clinton. Well, you could see a smile twitching around Hillary's lips then.

I fell asleep sometime around when he was talking about ethanol and gas alternatives. So I missed the democratic rebuttal, boo-hoo.

P.S. Today, when I pulled up to the kosher supermarket, the car next to me had one of those ribbon magnets. You know, the ones that say "support our troops," or "find a cure." Well this ribbon magnet, identical to the other ones, actually said "support farting." I found it terribly amusing.


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My Photo Name: Fancy Schmancy Anxiety Maven
Location: Chutz l'aretz - Outside of Brooklyn

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