Friday, May 19, 2006
My brother and I are very close. He's awesome. But I have to admit I'm a little jealous of him. Just a little.
His father - my stepfather - died when he was 5. I was 14. I always felt our mother took care of him in ways that she never did for me. When he was older, she always bought him clothes and things. She paid for his car insurance, and his rent while he was in college. He was in an accident recently, and his car got wrecked. When the summer ends, she'll give him her old car and get another one. And here's what drives me crazy: he's moving back in with her, and she keeps "complaining" how she's going to have to start cooking again. She's secretly CROWING over being able to coddle her 21 year old baby again! She never did that for me!
It's not only the fact that I feel he's favored. He always had his act together, too. We're both fairly intelligent, but I never had the drive to succeed. I was very lazy (still a marked trait of mine). He, on the other hand, worked hard and got good grades. I - regrettably - dropped out of college. He graduated last week. He's considering law school now.
He always had a strong social circle, whereas I didn't fit in. He was always doing things with his friends, travelling and going to concerts. This summer he's going to Israel (again), and then has a job as a chaperone for a 3-week teen tour out west.
He also never fell out of my grandparents good graces. The couple of times he got into trouble, my grandparents were never told. His saintly aura never faltered in their minds. I, however, went through a ratty-hippie phase which disgusted them. My brother pulled the same tricks I did, he just wasn't as blatant about it. He was the sparkling good boy. He would always visit them freshly showered and shaved, unlike me. (My grandmother once told me I reminded her of a Puerto Rican. It wasn't a compliment.)
I feel like I've turned out okay. I have a beautiful family and some very special friends. I contribute to my community and try to live a meaningful life. I know I am loved and appreciated. But still, if I could do it all over again...
I'd probably try to be more like him.