Thursday, July 13, 2006
Today is a fast day. The day the Romans breached the walls of Jerusalem. Today starts "the three weeks," culminating with Tisha b'av - the day the Beis HaMikdash was destroyed. These are the darkest days in the Jewish year.
I feel so empty. Israel is basically at war right now - there have been missile strikes on Chaifa, Nahariya, and Tzfas. Not to mention Israel's offensive strikes at Beirut. Yep, the three weeks have definitely started.
The Rebbe said that one focus of the three weeks is shleimus ha'aretz, the "wholeness" of Israel. That's something to think about with the current events. Another aspect of the 3 weeks is teshuva (repentance) and tzedoka.
I've been thinking about how I torture myself with my past mistakes. I can't forgive myself and let go. Just this morning I thought, "How come the rest of klal yisroel can do teshuva? What makes me think that I can't? Why can't I forgive myself?"
So the missiles rage in Eretz Yisroel as I rage within. I hope I can use the energy of the three weeks to transform darkness into light. I'm tired of being "stuck."
Yet if I was really tired, I'd do something about it.