Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Chaya, at the tender age of 6, is talking about her weight. The other day she wasn't interested in eating, because "she didn't want to get fat." This - of course - made me terribly anxious. I told her we weren't leaving until she ate lunch. Then she changed her tune. "I'm not eating because I'm not hungry," she insisted. She finally had a pita with cheese.
I'm not sure where she's getting this from. I'm on Weight Watchers, but I tell her that mommy is losing the baby weight. I don't feel like I'm sending her unhealthy messages about weight or body image. But maybe I am? Weight Watchers requires constant involvement. Counting points, reading nutritional information, measuring portions. For me, it's a fun way to stay healthy. Maybe she sees it differently?
Her teacher is overweight. Really overweight. She's commented on that to me before. "Morah Sheina is fat." Her pre 1-A teacher was also really big. Maybe this has something to do with it, too.
Yesterday, at a shul event, I was talking to a good buddy of mine. We were commiserating how we've been eating non-stop. We were both disgusted with ourselves. Chaya heard us.
Or maybe she's hearing it from her friends? Yesterday she told me that on christmas a man comes and brings presents to people's houses. I mean, where did THAT come from? Kids somehow pick up on everything. Maybe she's getting it from society at large?
I'm planning on talking to my pediatrician about it, but I'd love some advice from parents out there. Have any of you dealt with this?
Love, Maven @ 
7 Comments:
At 10:38 AM,
Shoshana said…
I was shocked while doing research recently for a presentation for school to discover the enormous amount of body consciousness that girls as young as your daughter are starting to pick up on. I have a friend whose 6 year old also asks to be put on a diet and complains of being fat, despite the fact that she just isn't. I'm not a parent, so I can't speak from experience, but I think children really pick up on what they hear adults saying and emulate and duplicate them. It can be an extremely damaging thing for them to pick up on. I think, and again this is coming from someone with no experience in child-rearing, that it's very important to both emphasize the beauty your daughter has within herself by praising her for the good deeds and kind and correct acts she engages in, and also to let her know that it's good to feel good about yourself. Also, if at all possible, model these behaviors for her by having self-confidence in yourself, no matter your weight. Kids learn by example and pick up on the lessons we teach them with our actions even moreso than words.
At 10:48 AM,
Mrs Andy said…
I"m not a parent, but I am a teacher, and one of my sisters suffers from anorexia.
I know with my sister its about control, not food, but food is the means by which she controls things she percieves to be out of control.
As for picking up stuff, even if you try to keep modern media out of your home, kids still seem to get wind of things. THey will over hear things or take what their little friends say as the gospel truth.
My advice would be to just ask her why she's worrying about being fat, and maybe explain to her, while you are couting your points why you do that--you've said you do that. You can also use this to teach her about making good habits and good choices so that she can be healthy, not skinny. One way to make a good choice is to not skip meals but to have good healty meals.
Anway, good luck with this and I hope that you can impart to your sweet daughter that she is a treasure no matter what.
At 7:28 AM,
Tzvi Meir & Ayala said…
I actually remember back to when I was her age. Dieting was a new concept. It sounded exciting. We had no idea what it was or what it meant, but girls all came to school with their own little "shards of info" that they picked up at home.
It could be shes just experimenting with her new knowledge and testing you. I seriously wouldn't worry about it.
At 10:26 AM,
Anonymous said…
well, i am a mother of 4 little boys(ages 5, 3and a half,2, and 3 months)- so i am "still"losing weight (chiselling at 50 pounds worth of 5 years of being constantly pregnant and nursing...) I was at my son's school lunch room last week:lunch mommying. one of the little laughter faced 5 year old boys calls me over and says"Hey are you having a baby? how come your so fat?"
well, no, of course i didn't punch him in the nose! but i was embarressed! i was also worried that my son would be embarressed. i think all kids have this basic fear that they are somehow weird or different (I think this often goes on for the rest of your life too!!!!). and "fatness"- although it is way more commonplace now and a current national tragedy (you know "too much of a good thing is not a good thing anymore") it still marks someone as "different"or "weird".
At 12:48 PM,
Maven said…
shosh: thanks for posting while you're in eretz yisroel! you are right, emphasizing the good is the way to go, as well as modeling positive self-esteem.
eden: also correct - focus on health, not "skinny."
KM: there's some emes from your corner too! i tend to be very anxious, and i don't think i should worry TOO much about this. however, i need to be on top of the situation.
perpetually natal: i know what you mean. my chaya tells me i'm fat too, and i'm actually towards the lower end of the weight range for my height. i just have a little tummy, B"H, which 4 pregs will impart. you are right, kids just want to be accepted and normal, and weight sometimes is a part of that. i think i might post more on this topic of "fitting in."
At 2:54 PM,
kasamba said…
I knew two anorexics before I turned 13!
Both have died since.
You're going to have to tone down the diet talk around her. I tell my own girls that until a kid stops growing they can't get fat and then when they point out fat kids, I tell them that it's called puppy fat which goes away when they grow. It's sooo scary.
At 8:23 PM,
Ayelet Survivor said…
My 4-year-old niece told me that she didn't want to eat because she doesn't want to get fat. She is quite slender, but already paranoid. It's very sad.
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