Sunday, February 18, 2007
Fancy Schmancy Tipsy Maven

So tonight I went to a school fundraiser dinner. You might remember me talking about it last year, the 600.00 event that we are required to pay for. Unlike last year, however, this time we actually got to go.

So the hors d'oeuvres were amazing and there was an open bar. Four open bars, to be exact. I decided to get a vodka watermelon. I drank that sucker so fast, only to recall the treachery of juice-based cocktails: the sweetness hides the alcohol. Nonetheless, I decided to have another. Yaakov got me one, and I proceeded to round 2. It was then that I uttered the dumbest thing ever. "Yaakov," I breezily announced to the table, "I'm beginning to think you have ulterior motives!"

Despite the 4-fingers of vodka I'd likely consumed at that point, I realized right away that it was really inappropriate (Yaakov said he wanted to crawl under the table). To make things worse, a friend at the table piped in regarding her husband and her drinking. I was mortified.

The night got worse. We moved to another section of the hotel, gathered around an even bigger table. The aforementioned friend made reference to a bawdy joke I once told at a girl's night out. I won't dare repeat it, only that it involved goats and a lousy Irish brogue. (Not surprisingly, alcohol factored into that night, too.) "You'll never top that one," she called across the table. Mrs. Stein, sitting on my right, proceeded to giggle. "That was a great joke, Maven," she noted. Mr. Stein, sitting next to his wife, raised his eyebrow at me and shook his head.

600 bucks is not worth making a damn fool of myself.


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My Photo Name: Fancy Schmancy Anxiety Maven
Location: Chutz l'aretz - Outside of Brooklyn

fancymaven at gmail dot com