Friday, June 29, 2007
My friend called me last night, the one I mentioned a couple of posts ago. I hadn't spoken to her in awhile (I was afraid to call!). I finally mustered up the courage to ask if I had upset her. She wasn't upset, and she wasn't particularly shocked or bothered by what I told her that day, either. Which was so refreshing, so liberating to hear.
I realized that I still have pain and shame over my past mistakes. I projected my self-loathing onto my friend, assuming she was as disgusted with me as I am with myself. It simply was not true. She responded to me with great love and compassion, a most nurturing balm.
I also think that the projection I made onto her was from an ego-place. Had I not gotten so absorbed in my own view of the situation, I could have seen it from a larger perspective.
It was so healing to talk to her, a wonderful part of yud beis-yud gimmel tammuz. I am so grateful that G-d gave me this friend, and this learning experience. Maybe I had to go through this head trip to arrive at a place of greater clarity and joy.