Tuesday, July 31, 2007
This morning I was thinking about my friend. Though I miss her (terribly so, at times), I know it wouldn't be healthy to go there again. I thought, how can I honor this woman who did so much for me, if I can't have a relationship with her? I decided I would keep her in mind and daaven for her and her family.
My morning trip was to a thrift store (one that she told me about, in fact). As I pulled into the parking lot I thought, "Wouldn't it be funny if I saw her here?" When I went to pay, I saw two frum girls nearby. I froze. Her daughters. "Oh hi how are you how old are you now wow you got so big how nice to see you who did you come with?" Their mother.
Somewhere in that crazy store was a woman that I longed to see. I wanted to, yet I was terribly afraid. I stood on line. Zalman was freaking out, and I needed to leave. The girls would report my presence to their mother, and she would find me if she wanted to. That's how I left it. Yep, she's going to come find me and see Zalman whacking me with my cell phone. She'll see my beautiful son with his snotty nose, and be amused, and it'll be terribly awkward but nice at the same time. I nervously waited on line. She never came, and I left without searching for her.
I cannot help but feel cowardly.