Tuesday, July 31, 2007
This morning I was thinking about my friend. Though I miss her (terribly so, at times), I know it wouldn't be healthy to go there again. I thought, how can I honor this woman who did so much for me, if I can't have a relationship with her? I decided I would keep her in mind and daaven for her and her family.
My morning trip was to a thrift store (one that she told me about, in fact). As I pulled into the parking lot I thought, "Wouldn't it be funny if I saw her here?" When I went to pay, I saw two frum girls nearby. I froze. Her daughters. "Oh hi how are you how old are you now wow you got so big how nice to see you who did you come with?" Their mother.
Somewhere in that crazy store was a woman that I longed to see. I wanted to, yet I was terribly afraid. I stood on line. Zalman was freaking out, and I needed to leave. The girls would report my presence to their mother, and she would find me if she wanted to. That's how I left it. Yep, she's going to come find me and see Zalman whacking me with my cell phone. She'll see my beautiful son with his snotty nose, and be amused, and it'll be terribly awkward but nice at the same time. I nervously waited on line. She never came, and I left without searching for her.
I cannot help but feel cowardly.
Love, Maven @ 
3 Comments:
At 11:44 PM,
Anonymous said…
It isn't easy to let go of friends such as this woman...but how often is that which is best for us easy? I am proud of you, as think of it this way: to stay in the relationship would make you MORE anxious, as lashon hara is not where you want yourself to be.
At 6:11 AM,
Philly Farmgirl said…
I have also been in situations like this. It is very hard especially when you truly like the person and can see how amazing they are. The thing is, if the relationship was not good for your neshama then you had to let it go. That takes real courage because it would be much easier to just stay, listen and slowly let your soul die. If you were suppposed to see her, you would have. Hashem would have brought you two together. Try not to feel cowardly but couragous for taking a stand, keeping the stand, and allowing the relationship to go. Who knows, things can change she can grow and by davening for her, you are being a true friend.
At 5:51 AM,
Maven said…
philly farmgirl: thank you for helping me see it from another perspective, i really needed to hear that.
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