Friday, August 17, 2007
Today while kneading my challah I let Rivky and Srulik stick their hands in the bowl. They had such a good time with the sticky dough, and I had fun watching them. But the biggest deal of it all was that I actually let them - I never did that before. I do let my kids help me cook, but I have my reservations. Sticking hands in dough is waaaaay out of my comfort zone. Today I said, "What's the big deal? They washed their hands." It took a little more effort from me (especially to clean them off), but we did it.
For me - a stubborn person with anxiety - this simple act was very growthful. Then came a knock at the door. The postman was dropping off something, a package from this organization. It was all about coping with miscarriage - my mashpia ordered it for me. While I insisted to her that I was fine, she felt that it was something I could benefit from "down the road." The package was gorgeous, and I'm so touched that she sent it. I feel glad that I finally have a mashpia, and that she cares so much.
Having the miscarriage prompted me to finally get help for my anxiety. Getting help for my anxiety allowed me to relax and let my kids have fun with the challah dough. And then the package came.
Now the dough has risen, and I have to do the mitzvah of hafrashas challah. And when I do, I will pray for a friend that G-d should bless her with more children. The whole thing feels like a gift: hashgocha protis with a beautiful, jaunty bow.
p.s. After I separated the challah I started singing Ben E. King's classic, Stand by Me. Oh Hashem, Hashem please, bless so-and-so, bas so-and-so...won't you please, bless her...oh Hashem, please bless her, with more children...healthy, healthy children... (does this count as elevating secular music?)