Monday, September 19, 2005

Everybody has their own. My schtick is anxiety. I'll get anxious about things that most people just disregard. Anxiety and guilt are best friends, so I have a big dose of guilt, too. I have friends whom I'll call when The Anxiety Maven makes an appearance, friends who will talk me down. Friends who will tell me I'm feeling guilty over something that isn't that big of a deal. I call them when I need a reality check.

Yesterday we made a birthday party for Srulik, and the family came over. Yaakov's father and stepmother, my mom and brother, and my grandparents. So we're all there, and I realized that there was some pretty serious schtick afoot.

Yaakov's stepmother has major inferiority issues. She is always insinuating that no one wants her around, that her children don't appreciate her, that's she's just a "step" mother and grandmother. I sat outside with her for awhile and we talked. I want to make a bigger effort to include her in our lives. Truthfully, I don't speak to her so much. It's not out of dislike, it's just because things are a little awkward. With my own mother, things are more natural.

My grandmother is my grandfather's second wife. My own grandmother died when I was 6, and I miss her to this day. She loved me so very much, I can remember the intensity of it. My grandfather remarried when I was 11. She's a very lovely woman, and I am close with her. But she's got her schtick too. She always drops these not-so-subtle hints that Yaakov does too much for me around the house. She also likes to say that our side of the family is "very peculiar." Always that expression; "very peculiar." She also has told me (a number of times) how she and my grandfather are SO much happier in their second marriages. That they love each other so much, this is the happiest time of their lives. I feel like she's rubbing something in, but I'm not sure what. Whenever she tells me that, I feel a burning inside. I want to speak up for my beautiful, dead Nana. But what can I say? Nothing. So I keep my mouth shut.

We've all got our schtick, I guess.


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My Photo Name: Fancy Schmancy Anxiety Maven
Location: Chutz l'aretz - Outside of Brooklyn

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