Sunday, December 23, 2007
Today we went to Mom's house. She had computer issues that Yaakov could fix. I wasn't worried about Zalman, we'd be near a bathtub if he had an "episode." We brought lots of diapers, wipes, and changes of clothes, too.
While at Mom's, we watched a video of Chaya (first kid). In the video, she was 18 months old - same age as Zalman is now. I could not believe her verbal skills! I could not believe what I was doing with her! I was daavening with her, giving tzedoka with her, saying the 12 pesukim with her. My 18 month old! When I was saying aleph-beis with her on the video, she actually knew the next letter coming. Shocking!
In the video, I was pregnant with Rivky. Watching myself on the screen, I thought I looked so young and beautiful, yet it was only 6 years ago. I was amazed as I ran around the playground with Chaya, big and pregnant like that. I remembered how I would take Chaya there practically every day, walking down Eastern Parkway.
Then there's Chaya, Mommy, and Tatty in Prospect Park Zoo (it was Parshas Noach). There's Chaya feeding the goats! There's Mommy laughing at the cows! There's Tatty marveling at the chameleon! I spent the whole video laughing and chattering away with Chaya. And then, I got the biggest shock of all:
I was happy.
I wasn't anxious about my other kids and their whereabouts. I wasn't worried about their safety. I wasn't agonizing over the fact that this one was scratching that one and that one was biting this one and this one was tattling on that one. I didn't have to meet everybody's needs all at once. It was just me, Tatty, and our one beautiful child.