Tuesday, December 04, 2007
We're looking for a house, and I find it very draining. Yaakov and I have different perspectives on the matter, different needs. Yaakov looks at houses dispassionately. I, on the other hand, get emotionally involved. Maybe it's a man-woman thing?
House hunting creates mixed emotions: Hopeful (Could we live here?). Disgusted (How could you show a house with a dead roach on the floor?). Incredulous (you want 300k for this? Are you on crack?). Loathsome (I hate the disgusting house we live in now!!!). Scared (Will we ever find a house?). DRAINED.
The other night, after a day of house-hunting, I called my mom and started to cry. The first thing she said was, "Calm down, Maven." I got pretty indignant, let me tell you. "Mom, it's not like I constantly break down and cry, this is stressful for me!" I felt abandoned. I needed support, and I felt like she was basically telling me to shut up.
The next day, she sent me an email apologizing. She was sorry for not sympathizing with my feelings, she said. She wrote comforting words and signed off with "I LOVE YOU!!!" That was nice. The whole email made me re-evaluate some long-held feelings I've had towards Mom. It helped me look at her in a more positive way, and forced me to acknowledge my own judgmental-ness.
So that's where it's at. Looking at houses, healing the parent-child relationship. Now if Yaakov and I can survive (without killing and/or psychologically maiming the other), everything will be just dandy.