Monday, February 06, 2006
A tzedoka collector just knocked on our door and asked for money.
Firstly, we had just settled our kids into bed. Needless to say, they all popped up like jackrabbits. We're still trying to calm them back down, half an hour later.
Secondly, I know what's in our checking account and knew we didn't have "what to give" from there. All we had was what was in Yaakov's pockets. He had a 20, a 10, and some singles. The 10 I asked to keep, to pay for Chaya's class photo tomorrow. Yaakov said, "I'll give him the 20."
Yaakov handed him the bill, he looked at it, and said, "You can't make it 36?" I could not believe my ears! And then Yaakov apologized! "I'm sorry I can't give more, that's really all I have right now." Yaakov has a one-day business trip to Vegas on Wednesday, and the 20 dollars was going to be his spending money there. (Don't worry, he wasn't planning on gambling. It was going to be for food, airport tips, yada yada).
The man walked out the door and didn't even say thank you. We handed a stranger 20 dollars in cash, and not only does he not say thank you, he lets us know it's not enough!
One part of me is really, really offended. Admittedly, the bigger part. Another part is struggling to be a chossid. I know that everything is hashgocho protis, that G-d runs the minutest details of the world. For whatever reason, G-d gave us that situation to learn and to grow from.
There is also the idea of a "holy potch." It's kind of hard to explain, but it's a theme in some chassidisher stories. That a Yid seemingly does something wrong or offensive to another Yid, but the underlying reason is very holy. When G-d makes one Jew an emissary for "punishment" towards another Jew, something very deep and special is happening there. It's a little bit of an odd concept, but it makes sense within the framework of chassidus.
Anyway - when Moshiach comes, this situation will no doubt be clarified. Along with the flat tire.