Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Allow me to share all my doctor's office drama.

Let's start with the scabies fiasco. A friend of mine in the neighborhood had it, and then I noticed a rash on my arm. Considering I had hung around my friend lately, I thought I would get it checked.

It happened I had to go to the doctor for Chaya on Sunday, so I asked the pediatrician what he thought of the rash. He didn't think it was scabies, but he advised me to go to a dermatologist. (Chaya had strep, by the way).

I went to the dermatologist on Monday, and I saw an old friend of my mother's there. She said he was a great doctor, she'd been using him for years. Then she leaned over and whispered, "And you don't have to worry about him looking at your body, he's gay." I wondered how she knew that. I figured if she'd been a patient for so long, maybe he told her?

So I'm waiting in the exam room for the doctor, looking at all the scary botox brochures. In walks Dr. Gay. Two big diamond studs in each ear and gelled, spikey blonde hair. This is the dermatologist?

He was awesome. He was funny. He was professional. A little queeny, but really great. And he took the time to talk to me, something doctors just don't seem to do these days. He did a skin scrape and examined it under a microscope. It wasn't scabies. Contact dermatitis. He gave me cream for it. It still itches like hell.

Today, I went to the doctor for Srulik. He tested positive for strep, too. Let me tell you, my kids were totally bonkers in that office. Touching everything. EVERYTHING! Srulik was opening and closing a drawer in the exam room and the whole face of the drawer came off. I had to let them run through the corridors so they wouldn't wreck the room anymore. One nurse told me she had never seen kids with so much energy, which made me feel a little sorry for myself.

The pediatrician who saw us today said I had scabies. I said I didn't, I went to the dermatologist who did a scraping. The pediatrician told me to go back and get re-tested. ARRRRGHHHHHHHH!!! The Sunday-pediatrician said no. The dermatologist said no. The Wednesday-pediatrician said yes. WHAT THE HELL?

And another problem: The videos at the pediatrician's office. Today was Tarzan, a Disney cartoon. It was mamesh obscene! This buff jungle man running around in a loincloth? This is okay for children? Not to mention two almost-kiss scenes with scantily-clad Jane. I was fuming! I kept wanting to ask the front desk people to turn it off, but I didn't know how to tell them. "Um, hello, your Disney video is too racy for my children." I wasn't assertive enough, is what the real problem was.

At one point there was a pirate scene. They were fighting, and one of the pirates put a double-barreled shotgun up against Tarzan's chin. Again, this is supposed to be for children. I was through.

I went to the front desk and said, "I'm sorry, but this video is too violent for my kids." I felt like I couldn't complain about the immodesty - how could they understand that? But violence is another thing. Rivky was standing next to me, crying that she was scared. My proof! They took the video off.

Now that I look back at the whole thing, I should have just said "This video is inappropriate for my kids," right from the get-go. I didn't have to explain anything, and they might have turned it off sooner.

And the final complaint is the awful service I'm getting from the pharmacy. I'm not even going to go there. I've been on the phone with them for over an hour trying to deal with Srulik's prescription.

It's been a bad week.


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