Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Yesterday, while on line at the kosher store, I was behind someone with whom I am close.
I don't know her finances, yet suddenly, I had a feeling she would be using an EBT card. I felt terribly awkward. My suspicions were confirmed - and I felt even worse. Why did I have to be behind her? Then the noisy cashier was trying to figure out whether certain items could be charged on the card. I stood there feeling totally mortified. I wished the cashier was quieter. I wished there was more respect for my friend's dignity.
I remember when I was in 8th grade, and my stepfather was on his chemo-death march. As he slowly died of his cancer, my parents' finances unraveled. I became the recipient of a free school lunch ticket, something terribly painful for me. I always stood at the very end of the line - I couldn't bear if people saw my Scarlet Letter. And I'm guessing an EBT card has the same stigma. At least, potentially.
I'm at odds. A part of me wants to write the store an anonymous letter. Is that an appropriate response? I feel like the situation could have been handled more quietly, more gracefully.
Am I just projecting my own feelings onto things?
Love, Maven @ 
7 Comments:
At 12:12 PM,
Anonymous said…
Instead of dwelling on the negative aspect of this experience, which is YOUR take on it, you as the observer, why not be grateful that your friend has the EBT card which allows her to buy food to feed her family. You can't really call it a stigma because you don't know the circumstances. It can be seen as a total blessing.
(P.S. - I'm in the process of declaring bankruptcy. One does what one has to do to survive)
At 12:45 PM,
Maven said…
i agree with you 100% - what a blessing that this large family has this assistance. of course, no doubt of that.
however, despite the fact that assistance is a help and a blessing, i don't think anyone is thrilled to have to take/need it.
but i hear what you're saying, and that's why i wanted to point out that i was wondering if i was just "projecting."
At 5:53 PM,
Anonymous said…
I would speak to the store manager personally and talk about all the cashiers maintaining people's privacy and dignity as much as possible, not just that particular cashier. Everyone needs an occasional reminder about sensitivity.
While this might possibly not be the case for your friend, many people don't see receiving assistance as a stigma. you might also reinforce that you don't think so by treating your friend in exactly the same manner that you did before you saw the card. Let her know that it doesn't matter to you by not letting it matter to you.
At 1:31 PM,
Wendy said…
I would absolutely talk to the store manager, also. There is no reason to even take the chance of embarrassing someone - it's just unnecessary and unkind. Compassion and discretion are traits I would think any store would want their employees to have.
Happy Thanksgiving.
At 8:57 PM,
Dinosaur Mom said…
You are projecting, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's one of the cornerstones of empathy. Better you should send a signed letter or talk to the manager than do something anonymously, though.
At 4:54 PM,
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