Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Tikkun and Teshuva.

Chaya brought home someone else's toy from school today. A camera, with all the Disney heroines in the viewer. *Click!* Cinderella! *Click!* The Little Mermaid! *Click!* Sleeping Beauty! YAY!

Yaakov and I do NOT let these ladies into our home. They are an immodest bunch of shikses (especially that mermaid girlie). I don't need to fill my kids' heads with love and romance, either.

Not to mention the fact that it brings up a lot of stuff for me, personally. When I was a child, my all-too-liberal parents had tons of inappropriate things in their house. They didn't even bother to hide it. I feel like my childhood innocence was robbed from me. Not that Disney movies compare to my parents' stash, not by a longshot. But there's a lot of baggage there for me.

So instead of reaching out from a place of love, I lashed out from a place of fear. "That's inappropriate! Give the camera to me, NOW! I'm putting it away!" I was fearful, and it manifested as anger. Me, afraid of the Disney wenches. Me, projecting my childhood onto Chaya. I could have, should have
come from a place of warmth and love.

Next time, with G-d's help, I will.


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